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Home » Love Forum » Ask a Male » This is long, and I probably sound like I'm 15...but I need advice
This is long, and I probably sound like I'm 15...but I need advice [message #5523] Thu, 27 October 2011 20:25 Go to next message
dave008 is currently offline  dave008
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I've known this guy for over two years. We met on an online dating site, but we maintained friendly contact despite never having actually met. Well, over such a long period of time, I developed you know--FEELINGS--for him. He was physically, mentally, and intellectually appealing to me. His humor was compatible with mine, and in short, I felt this weird and bizarre connection with him I'd never felt before. The problem was, he lived a couple hours away from me. Last year, when I was visiting friends in his area, we made plans to meet up. I texted him at around 10:30 to let him know where we were, but he told me he was already going to bed.

In short, I felt hurt and disappointed and didn't talk to him for a long time after that. I went out and dated other guys, but wasn't quite able to find the same level of interest or like I'd found with him.

Gradually we picked up randomly texting and commenting on each other's facebook statuses, and the old feelings crept back. Then, last month he called me while he was at his friend's bachelor party and told me he was sorry for his actions last year, and that he really liked me and wanted another chance to meet me.

Begrudgingly, I said fine...I figured if there was any chance of me getting over him by meeting him, I had to take it. I thought it was better to KNOW than to just wonder "what if" all the time. We called and texted every day. Our banter was enjoyable, flirty and kind of sexy at times. In short, I loved it...and I loved the attention. I liked that he was a challenge to me, and that I appeared to be a challenge to him. He told me he never met a girl he liked as much as he liked me...he said that for him, I was ideal: smart, funny, kind, cute, motivated...all that jazz. He told me I'm the kind of girl he'd love his mother to meet. We made plans to meet, and I was beyond excited. In the back of my mind though, I couldn't forget what happened last year...so I kept asking him if he was for real, if he was sure he meant what he said.

Well, of course he said he meant every word. I was on cloud 9 with the prospect that FINALLY someone I liked actually liked me in return. Then one day, right after he spent the night previously telling me how much he liked me, he calls to tell me he can't be in a relationship with me, even though he wants to be. The distance (we're about an hour and a half away) would classify it as long distance, and he said all LDR's fail. He works two jobs (one on the weekends) and I'm a full time grad student...so schedule-wise, neither of us can handle a relationship right now. He still wanted to meet me, and I him...so we went ahead with our original plans.

To sum it up, meeting him was even better than I'd hoped. I had so much fun with him and felt feelings and chemistry I never felt before and haven't felt since. He told me he couldn't be in a relationship now, but that he'd like to try again in a few months maybe. One thing led to another and I spent the night...it was amazing, and I didn't want it to end. The next day we went out to a movie and to eat. He paid for everything, but we talked more like friends than anything. When we went to say good bye, he held his arms out for a hug...so I figured that meant fine, we're definitely just friends. But then he wanted a kiss, and another...and he was concerned when I left, told me to call when I got home. He wound up calling before I had the chance to call him. I felt that overall, we were more than JUST friends.

In the time since, however...conversation has gradually died off. He still replies when I text him, but it's not as free and easy as it was in the past. It's as if we're just casual friends, and we haven't talked about our time together since that weekend when we said we'd both had a great time and that we'd do it again when our schedules permitted.

So now I'm starting to worry that maybe he was doing things with me just to be nice or worse, just to gain some sort of conquest over me. I know I let him have too much power...I think I ruined it, if there was in fact anything to actually ruin. But now I'm left pining away over someone who can't be bothered to text me or talk to me anymore. If this is how it's going to be, I want to get over him so I can move on to someone else, someone who pays attention to me and who, if nothing else, can act like a friend.

I know I told him I was okay with being just friends...and I was, but spending time with him completely backfired for me. I'm beating myself up now over how I made myself too easy for him and figure that he's simply seen all there is to see and has no further interest in me. I don't know how to get over him. I'm 24 and he's 25...so you'd think we'd be more capable of acting like grownups, but I'm rather inexperienced with actual relationships. Advice greatly appreciated.


Re: This is long, and I probably sound like I'm 15...but I need advice [message #7038 is a reply to message #5523] Thu, 28 March 2013 06:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Trish0102 is currently offline  Trish0102
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Once and for all, tell him what you really feel so you won't be having regrets. But be ready whatever his answer may be. At least, you were honest with him and with your feelings.
Re: This is long, and I probably sound like I'm 15...but I need advice [message #9387 is a reply to message #5523] Thu, 10 December 2015 18:08 Go to previous message
kimkerry is currently offline  kimkerry
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and don't afraid to talk to your mother about your feelings. she will be glad to listen to you and to help you, whatever happen. Do you trust your mother?
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