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Home » Love Forum » Ask the Dating Expert » to reach out or to wait
to reach out or to wait [message #9004] Thu, 30 April 2015 14:04 Go to next message
olivia is currently offline  olivia
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Location: australia
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I recently reunited with a guy i was seeing casually two years ago, (on and off), that time i felt that he was cheating with his gf with me but has always denied having a gf.
Last february, we saw each other again after 2 years and he started pursuing me, though things didnt go smoothly straight away, things have been going great with us again and the relationship is levelling up, then last last saturday morning I kinda walked out on him, we were sleeping beside each other when he left me in the room to answer a call in a hurry, naked, and then i got upset and decided i need to get out of his house. I realised now that it was such an immature thing to do. You know jumping into conclusion and just storming off like that without really asking him why. Even when he really pleaded to me not to go home. It was only in the morning when i wasnt mad anymore that i realised my action was very hasty. Anyway, i did swallow my pride and went back to his place to tell him im sorry. But he didnt open the gate and his phone was off. I basically told him that i understand if he doesnt want to see me anymore but was hoping that he'll hear me out one last time and I wont bother him anymore. He did message me back and said that he was still asleep and apologised that he missed my call coz his phone was dead and he said that am probably at my dentist appointment already. And so i asked him if i can see him after my appointment and he said 'it's ok, i'm not mad or something'. I decided to swing by his place anyway afterwards before i head back home coz it's quite near my dentist but I missed him coz he was having lunch somewhere so I figured he didnt want to see me so i just said sorry on the phone and he said sorry as well for overreacting. He was planning to come to my event that night and when i asked him if he is still coming, he said he's not sure anymore and he didnt come and i think that he probably wont message me anymore. My friends said to give him some time and space, but my personal trainer said that i should reach out and it's been a week so I decided to send him a casual message to say hi how are, hows the week going? and no reply. (my other friend wanted me to wait for 2 weeks to contact) so I'm guessing he's not interested anymore, and I'm so devastated, I am not sure if i still send him a text message to explain my side so i have peace of mind, some of my friends says yes, and some of my friends says no, so am getting more and more confused. My heart is heavy and my judgement on things a bit cloudy and i need some sound advise, and one of your advises worked before so i am hoping you can help once again. what should i do?

i was thinking that if it still eats me up by friday this week. i will send him this message, so i will have peace of mind and i can focus on my own happiness.

'I think i owe you an apology for my actions the other week. That night, I felt very uncomfortable when you left the room in a hurry with your phone and I just wanted to get out of there. I realised straight away that it was a very immature thing to do and not the best way to communicate but I don't always practice what I preach. I'm sorry I just assumed things and stormed off. I know I acted impulsively and left you probably confused and puzzled, wondering what was wrong without any explanation. And I'm not very proud of that. I know it's too late now and you probably don't care anyway but I do, and I need to get this off my chest.'

Thank you so much in advance
Re: to reach out or to wait [message #9010 is a reply to message #9004] Sat, 02 May 2015 13:46 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Mike78tan is currently offline  Mike78tan
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Registered: March 2015
Location: Tampa
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This message seems ok, and yes, send it. Even though I think he is not fair leaving you with no explanation. If he doesn't want to see you again he could just say so.

"If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain."
Re: to reach out or to wait [message #9012 is a reply to message #9004] Sat, 02 May 2015 22:20 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Adviser is currently offline  Adviser
Messages: 29
Registered: October 2011
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Established member
IP: 93.72.174.164
I agree to Mike, the message looks good. You should definitely feel better when you speak this out.

My only concerns is that you will probably be curious about his reaction to this message, particularly in case when he does not reply in full. Does this make sense?
Anyway, how about to tell this personally?

Another questions:
1) What is the ideal picture of your dating partner?
2) Is this guy matches it?



Take care,
John the Adviser
Re: to reach out or to wait [message #9018 is a reply to message #9012] Sun, 03 May 2015 11:02 Go to previous messageGo to next message
olivia is currently offline  olivia
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I didnt send him the message but he texted me last Friday. I think we're ok again. Taking things slowly. I believe the biggest thing for us to work on is the trust thing. hoping for the best.
Re: to reach out or to wait [message #9019 is a reply to message #9018] Sun, 03 May 2015 23:31 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Adviser is currently offline  Adviser
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ok, I'm glad to hear that. Trust is really the key thing in successful relationship. Please let us know if you need any help.

Take care,
John the Adviser
Re: to reach out or to wait [message #9523 is a reply to message #9004] Mon, 18 January 2016 10:46 Go to previous message
lisame is currently offline  lisame
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I understand you. It's very difficult to forget the person and to bury the feelings, but remember one rule "yours is always will be yours". so if he doesn't really want to be with you, then he is not the one you really need. stop bothering about it. if you need some time, make a "cry-evening" one day. remember everything good that happened to you with this guy, then remember all the pain he did. then wash your face, stop crying and collect your thoughts, that life is going on, with you or without you and you were born to be happy. anyways, if you are happy, while worry about this guy, then it's up to you.
I can also suggest you to read these articles:
http://blog.livedating.me/3-words-that-explain-why-men-cheat /
http://blog.livedating.me/how-to-stop-loving-someone-who-doe snt-love-you-back/
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