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Home » Love Forum » Ask a Female » After seeing suggestive messages, can't let it go (Trust Issues)
After seeing suggestive messages, can't let it go [message #10179] Mon, 23 December 2019 14:54
bann74 is currently offline  bann74
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Registered: December 2019
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I'm in my early 40s, and have been with a slightly older woman for most of this year. A couple months ago, I took a random look at her FB messenger and saw a bunch of very flirty exchanges, some of which strongly indicated they had been together in some way, or at least wanted to. This is with a mutual friend who is even a bit older, and is married.

I confronted her and she seemed genuinely shocked by the allegation, insisting it was just flirty "fun". She'd told me early on that she was very flirty. This, to me, went beyond that. After a few tough days, I took her at her word, she apologized profusely, realized what she'd done with the chatting was wrong, and promised to stop. We've continued the relationship. But I cannot stop obsessively wondering if anything happened, and, in the back of my mind, wonder if it has indeed stopped. They are still communicating, we're still in the same circle of friends.

Since the initial incident, I have talked with her a few times about my lingering feelings of hurt and confusion. She has been completely open, approachable, and sincere in everything she says to me. We're planning a future together, long-term plans, and I don't for a second doubt her love for me. My main issue with this is, me. I need to find a way to quit obsessing over this, but it's tough when the guy is still a part of her conversations.

I've happened to see a couple of his messages (she's not hiding her phone from me) and even the most innocuous message like, "How are you doing?" sets my brain off. It's ridiculous. So, I'm just hoping to get some help in coping with this so I don't sabotage what is, overall, a very good thing. How can I let go of this, and just trust her?

Thank you.

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