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Home » Love Forum » Ask the Dating Expert » MMet a great girl who's moving, not ready for a relationship but wants me to keep in touch and visit
icon5.gif  MMet a great girl who's moving, not ready for a relationship but wants me to keep in touch and visit [message #10194] Mon, 02 March 2020 19:08
QuestionsAbound is currently offline  QuestionsAbound
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First time posting, not sure how this all works.

About 7 years ago I (29/M) met a girl I fell for super hard and she strung me along, used me, and eventually I found out she was engaged the entire time. This hurt me pretty badly to the point that I gave up on romance and just engaged in one night stands for a few years. I didn't want to get hurt again. Eventually I started "dating" people again, but never longer than a few months. I got into some "relationships" that I realize now I was only in just for the sake of having a relationship, and I couldn't give them the emotional reciprocity they were seeking. I know it's selfish of me, but that's just where I was.

Which brings me to the story at hand. About 6 months ago I matched with this girl (26/F) on Hinge. We spoke for a little bit, but never wound up seeing each other. At least not at first. After a few months we started texting semi-regularly. She's a chef from Peru, and we have many common interests like music, traveling, and generally the same worldview. She's passionate, driven, has a kind heart, she's not world weary or overly cynical, and she makes me laugh. It doesn't hurt that she's beautiful either. Eventually I got her out on a date and we hit it off. Nothing too fancy, just some drinks. A few weeks later we went out again, going on a walk in the park that night. We kissed, held hands, all that stuff. We went out a few more times after that, each better than the last. We both felt very comfortable around each other, and I found myself falling for her. There was just one problem: she told me she was moving to Berlin to open up a restaurant with her boss/former coworker. Obviously that seems like a dealbreaker, but it just so happens I lived in Berlin for 2 years, went to school there. So instead of giving up on her I wrote her a little guide to help her get acquainted with the city and its customs, gave her some sites to check out, sent her some apartment hunting websites, etc. She also said that if I ever came she'd let me stay with her. I never pretended like she wasn't leaving, but I guess in my *ed up little mind I thought, given my ties to the city, we might be able to work something out.

So last night we went out again, walked around, had some drinks. I asked her if I was going to see her again before she left and she told me she wasn't really looking for anything sentimental, that she had gotten out of a 3 year relationship with her ex last year and wasn't looking for anything. So, given that she was being honest with me, I was honest with her: I told her that I'd never met anyone like her before, that if she was going to any other city in the world I might not have brought it up, and that I was sure that she was going to achieve what she wanted in life more than anyone I've ever met. At this point she almost started crying, and she said was at a point where she was trying to learn how to be alone with herself before looking for a relationship, but she told me she thought I was really great and interesting, and she thanked me for never letting her feel stupid like her ex had made her feel and that she hoped we could still be friends because she found me really easy to talk to and I made her feel good. She also said that everything we did together was what she felt like doing and not what she felt like she had to do, and that if I ever came back to Berlin she would want to see me. I didn't rule out the possibility of friendship in the future, but I told her I needed some space and that I couldn't see her again before she left, but I said that I didn't regret our time together and I wish her nothing but good things. She understood, and told me she was sorry and I told not to be, that I didn't regret it and I'd do it all again if I could. So I walked her home and we kissed each other on the cheek before we said our goodbyes.

That was last night, and though it doesn't hurt as bad as I'd feared it might I'm still feeling pretty shitty. I deleted all my dating apps because I know I'm not going to be in any shape to date anyone for a while. She really was the girl of my dreams, and I'm not bitter about it, but that doesn't stop it hurting a bit. I guess if I got anything really great out of this it's that I learned that I could feel things I didn't know were possible, so maybe someday there's a chance I could feel it again?

Anyway, that's my rant. I guess my question is, given the circumstances, is it worth it to keep in touch with her?
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